My cards

The God of the impossible

First of all today is such a special little girls birthday, Kloe May, happy, happy birthday. So glad God blessed us with you.
Why is it so hard to find people that will walk with you for the impossible. To believe Lord you can and want too. Will get down and pray hard for you. I just am having a hard time. I feel like where do I fit in. I feel sometimes like people don't get it and don't care.
We didn't decide to move over here to westside. We followed God's leading. When we did, there was no connection, no community. We were an outsider.
We go back to our church, people don't get it.
I get a word from God. Most don't get it. Sometimes I feel alone.
Now we homeschool, we are in new coop.
I feel like the past two years I have cried and cried so much.
I miss the days early on after we moved. I got into small group with prophetic women, and the prayer I got, and not women telling me to do this or that, prayed and shared what God gave them. Such encouragment i got, I know the Holy Spirit placed me in that group, and used those women to help me grow in you.
Which I am glad I have now, when you are the only one that gives me any words.
Just hard.

Remembering something God asked me

A few years ago, about 2ish, I remember I was in Beth Moore study, and in the video, she asked to think of something really hard might happen. And then how it would be?
This morning I was starting to unload dishwasher and remembered. How what I thought or worried would happen did. It was awful, really painful, and not all my fault, but saw the writing for about a yr plus happen. And even my husband thought it would.
It took some time to get over, and still not completely there totally, but moving forward.
I think I was afraid what would happen, what would I do. And not totally sure it was God's plan at all, but I think in a way God was preparing me for it. I wonder if I had asked a couple of people to pray with me if things at least on my part would have been different.
It's been a rough 6 yrs since moving to westside. not what we thought at all. But been what it has been.
Now 6 yrs later, things are different. God leads us into these prison like times, yuck. Not just for us but others. Been trying to work on forgiving those that hurt me, and not expecting any apologizing at all.
Things happen, see how friends are, see that people are not friends, shun you. Oh well.
It has been hard, alot of tears, alot of praying and alot of just waiting.
Now homeschooling again, and see what God is doing. I guess right now in my life, God is wanting to trust in the road He leads, not big picture, but little picture, maybe a little ahead, but not much.

Young child at our age

This week we will celebrate Seth coming to us. What an adventure and harder at our age. But also a blessing. A week after we got him, our first grandchild was born. Busy week plus.
I find at being 47, when most women are working, kids almost or grown, I am at home. I am glad and thankful to be at home. Plus I can watch one grandchild and be part of her life. I can have other grandkids come. I also am free to go visit them.
I am going to homeschool Seth, menapause, and homeschooling- wow.
But you know women my age are busy, cause their kids need them less. I find it hard to find women closer to my age free to visit with.
I know there are times when I get with people my age, I sorta don't feel I fit in. Cause I have grown children, grandchildren and 5 yr old.
It is weird.
God knows what He is doing even though I don't have a clue.
I love my kids and grandkids, I love being able to stay home.
I just wish I had fellowship with other women. Gets lonely during the day not having other women to talk to.
I have had a hard time with this menopause too. Just part of being a woman, not fun.
I sometimes wonder if God will move us like He said 2 yrs ago.
After this week, I hope into a house with central air that really works.
But then I think, a lot of people didn't have power. And we had some, at least could sleep well.
I think even though there is stuff I cry out to God for, I think in other ways we are blessed.
I sit back and wonder what God is doing, and I try to do my best.
One step at a time, sometimes one moment at a time.
Continue praying for what curriculum for Seth. Didn't think I would be homeschooling again, hey following God is not what we want but what He wants. 

Prayer to God

God,
today I ask you, like I have been asking and asking. God, I need a group. One with some spirit filled women. to grow in you. People who want to pray for each other. encourage and seek you together for each other's life.
Lord it has been so lonely living over here. No one wants to venture over. No extended family ever wants to visit. It is like no one wants to encourage me.
I know in the past few years I have said or written some mean things. But Lord, we were used. We were left alone during some hard times.
God I continue to ask you to help me forgive. Especially those who don't see they hurt us too. Or blame us, or used us. Treated us like dirt.
Lord, I feel like I have NO clue what you are doing at all.
I just know Lord, where can I find a group, one that prays and cares. I think about when after we moved here and I found the Fri morning group. What a life saver in so many ways? Been a long time.
I guess it has been a long time since we had community with people.
Lord you know what you are doing, I don't have a clue at all. But to wait.
Joseph had to wait in prison for you Lord to do what you had planned. Don't know how hard. But Job we see how his friends blamed him for what happened. Not the case at all. His friends thought they knew.
So Lord, may your spirit comfort and speak and fill me today
amen

God's leading

You know God takes you on a path. Not always fun, but learning to listen to him. It is hard sometimes going the road He leads you on. But when you take the time, you see it is for your good. Even though it may hurt

My Birthday

So, Mark has been giving me a card for the last week for my birthday. They are cute. He got me this book and stamp set. Then got me gift certificate to this tea place. Seth got me a gift card to subway.
The girls got me Wii Fit. and Sara got me Vera Bradley purse.
Not too bad.
I was chatting with Mark this morning. I gets discouraging waiting now over year and half for God to do this miracle he said he would.
We just have no connections, no community down here. It is hard.
So we press on and on.
I keep thinking, how did Joseph endure all that time in prison. He did, and God brought him out to do what He planned.
So i wait, and pray and cry. And will continue and continue and continue as we wait.