The God of the impossible

First of all today is such a special little girls birthday, Kloe May, happy, happy birthday. So glad God blessed us with you.
Why is it so hard to find people that will walk with you for the impossible. To believe Lord you can and want too. Will get down and pray hard for you. I just am having a hard time. I feel like where do I fit in. I feel sometimes like people don't get it and don't care.
We didn't decide to move over here to westside. We followed God's leading. When we did, there was no connection, no community. We were an outsider.
We go back to our church, people don't get it.
I get a word from God. Most don't get it. Sometimes I feel alone.
Now we homeschool, we are in new coop.
I feel like the past two years I have cried and cried so much.
I miss the days early on after we moved. I got into small group with prophetic women, and the prayer I got, and not women telling me to do this or that, prayed and shared what God gave them. Such encouragment i got, I know the Holy Spirit placed me in that group, and used those women to help me grow in you.
Which I am glad I have now, when you are the only one that gives me any words.
Just hard.

Remembering something God asked me

A few years ago, about 2ish, I remember I was in Beth Moore study, and in the video, she asked to think of something really hard might happen. And then how it would be?
This morning I was starting to unload dishwasher and remembered. How what I thought or worried would happen did. It was awful, really painful, and not all my fault, but saw the writing for about a yr plus happen. And even my husband thought it would.
It took some time to get over, and still not completely there totally, but moving forward.
I think I was afraid what would happen, what would I do. And not totally sure it was God's plan at all, but I think in a way God was preparing me for it. I wonder if I had asked a couple of people to pray with me if things at least on my part would have been different.
It's been a rough 6 yrs since moving to westside. not what we thought at all. But been what it has been.
Now 6 yrs later, things are different. God leads us into these prison like times, yuck. Not just for us but others. Been trying to work on forgiving those that hurt me, and not expecting any apologizing at all.
Things happen, see how friends are, see that people are not friends, shun you. Oh well.
It has been hard, alot of tears, alot of praying and alot of just waiting.
Now homeschooling again, and see what God is doing. I guess right now in my life, God is wanting to trust in the road He leads, not big picture, but little picture, maybe a little ahead, but not much.

Young child at our age

This week we will celebrate Seth coming to us. What an adventure and harder at our age. But also a blessing. A week after we got him, our first grandchild was born. Busy week plus.
I find at being 47, when most women are working, kids almost or grown, I am at home. I am glad and thankful to be at home. Plus I can watch one grandchild and be part of her life. I can have other grandkids come. I also am free to go visit them.
I am going to homeschool Seth, menapause, and homeschooling- wow.
But you know women my age are busy, cause their kids need them less. I find it hard to find women closer to my age free to visit with.
I know there are times when I get with people my age, I sorta don't feel I fit in. Cause I have grown children, grandchildren and 5 yr old.
It is weird.
God knows what He is doing even though I don't have a clue.
I love my kids and grandkids, I love being able to stay home.
I just wish I had fellowship with other women. Gets lonely during the day not having other women to talk to.
I have had a hard time with this menopause too. Just part of being a woman, not fun.
I sometimes wonder if God will move us like He said 2 yrs ago.
After this week, I hope into a house with central air that really works.
But then I think, a lot of people didn't have power. And we had some, at least could sleep well.
I think even though there is stuff I cry out to God for, I think in other ways we are blessed.
I sit back and wonder what God is doing, and I try to do my best.
One step at a time, sometimes one moment at a time.
Continue praying for what curriculum for Seth. Didn't think I would be homeschooling again, hey following God is not what we want but what He wants. 

Prayer to God

God,
today I ask you, like I have been asking and asking. God, I need a group. One with some spirit filled women. to grow in you. People who want to pray for each other. encourage and seek you together for each other's life.
Lord it has been so lonely living over here. No one wants to venture over. No extended family ever wants to visit. It is like no one wants to encourage me.
I know in the past few years I have said or written some mean things. But Lord, we were used. We were left alone during some hard times.
God I continue to ask you to help me forgive. Especially those who don't see they hurt us too. Or blame us, or used us. Treated us like dirt.
Lord, I feel like I have NO clue what you are doing at all.
I just know Lord, where can I find a group, one that prays and cares. I think about when after we moved here and I found the Fri morning group. What a life saver in so many ways? Been a long time.
I guess it has been a long time since we had community with people.
Lord you know what you are doing, I don't have a clue at all. But to wait.
Joseph had to wait in prison for you Lord to do what you had planned. Don't know how hard. But Job we see how his friends blamed him for what happened. Not the case at all. His friends thought they knew.
So Lord, may your spirit comfort and speak and fill me today
amen

God's leading

You know God takes you on a path. Not always fun, but learning to listen to him. It is hard sometimes going the road He leads you on. But when you take the time, you see it is for your good. Even though it may hurt

My Birthday

So, Mark has been giving me a card for the last week for my birthday. They are cute. He got me this book and stamp set. Then got me gift certificate to this tea place. Seth got me a gift card to subway.
The girls got me Wii Fit. and Sara got me Vera Bradley purse.
Not too bad.
I was chatting with Mark this morning. I gets discouraging waiting now over year and half for God to do this miracle he said he would.
We just have no connections, no community down here. It is hard.
So we press on and on.
I keep thinking, how did Joseph endure all that time in prison. He did, and God brought him out to do what He planned.
So i wait, and pray and cry. And will continue and continue and continue as we wait.

Loosing weight

Well, how many people start the year loosing weight. Or say they are.
Well, Mark and I did say that, and have begun to loose weight. Now his was more after going to the dr, and the dr telling him he needed to loose weight.
Well, Mark had begun to see some different things.
So we begun to change our eating habits. No sweets or very little. Not buys a lot of stuff not good for you. Taking some supplements. Learning to eat 6 times a day. Not good yet, but getting better.
In a weeks time, only doing a mile walk twice, i have lost just over a pound. It is good, but I will feel better when I can fit into these other jeans. But I press on.
I refused some muffins at bible study.
I drink water. Love Green tea.
And for part of my birthday, mark got me "Skinny chicks eat real food". Yes I did want that book. So I was glad.
Slowly but changing.

Just Things

Well, I got an email from Zach Saturday morning. At least we know he made it. Mark made the comment, what is different from all the time he was in Louisville, at least we could text him. We can't do that. So we won't hear from him too much.

Also, I heard today, that in order to be in kindergarten, at least this school district, the child has to be tested. WOW, I wonder if they really do a study, and see by pushing kids before they are ready, and those that learn as they are ready, how in so many years or when graduate, what do they find out. Will those kids that learn earlier than little later do any better.
I know one thing, if we still live down here, it seems more and more we will be homeschooling Seth. None of my other kids, especially Zach knew a whole lot, and he did just fine.
Why do parents really think they have to push.
Not me, not going to deal with stress.

We shall see.

Trusting and following God

Trusting God shows when you don't know where in the world your son is. You know where he is headed, but no clue when his plane took off or landed. You have to trust. When you can't communicate much, when you hear No News is Good news.
Follow and Trust God, when you feel alone. When you wonder if anyone is praying at all. You have to trust. Over and Over, not what you see what God is telling you. And when no one is saying anything when you ask for prayer.
When you just feel blah, have to trust.
One thing is lately I am seeing a little why I am going through some of this.
Trying to trust, but it is hard sometimes
One step at a time.

Zach on his way

Zach called me this morning before the team left for the airport. Nice to hear from him. He did say they would email us about once a week.
Well he made his first flight. They arrived. Now they have time before they leave for overseas flight. It is alot nicer traveling with people you have spent about 4 months with.
What amazing things God will do in his life and through him and all the others.
Trusting God

Zach is headed to India

Well, Zach and the others from YWAM Louisville are headed to India and South Africa. WOW, just a week plus ago, they still had $13,000 to go. And now 2 days before they leave, they got it all. God is always on time.
We won't have much communication with him for the 6 weeks he is gone. Will learn about trusting God. I know he will come back a changed man. How awesome. May God use all those in India and South Africa to touch lives with the love of Christ.

Prayer

You know we have to pray for direction on everything. We need to pray for others in our lives. People we are involved with. For our church and pastors.
We need to pray for our families and friends.
We need to pray for this election. Everytime you read something, is it true or not. Over and over.
We need to pray for God to guide us during this election. During these primaries, to clearly know who to vote for. Not because someone tells us, but who God wants. I know I have to agree we need our current president to one term. But who does God want.
I know as a nation, we need to get back to seeking God. Remember it is in "God we trust". What did the founding fathers desire. Why was this country here. Religious Freedom. God.
I hope and pray this nation, the heart of people will see God is right and true and can trust Him. That they will encounter His love.

God is with us

From Psalm 34:17 (MSG)
"Is anyone crying for help? God is listening, ready to rescue you."
This is where I have been for some time. I feel like I cry and cry and cry out to God.
It is only Him that will do what He says. He is the only one who can help with this hurt and loneliness I feel. I am glad He is listening, cause it seems sometimes no one else is. Only God really understands and Jesus knew too.

grandkids

I love my grandkids. 3 of them I only get to see every so often. Not enough. My youngest I see 4 days a week. They are all healthy, which is a blessing. they are a gift. Each one so unique and different. As they grow develop own personalities. Unique, just like God designed them to be.
Truly thankful for them.

Vacation over

Okay, not sure I was on vacation. Laundry still had to happen, cooking and loading dishwasher, making the bed. All had to happen.
Now back to routine. Right now Seth does not have classes to go to, so that is not normal. But other things. Mark is back to work, after 4 days off.
TV shows have returned to new shows.
Now the GOP begins the voting for our next canidate, hopefully to beat our current President.
Prayer has to be the key, pray and keep praying.
Asking God to show who to vote for.
Our country needs prayer. May hearts be turned to you oh Lord. Who has all the answers we need.

New Year

Well 2012 is here. What will this year bring? I have no clue. All I can do is what God ask. Not with eyes to see, but in faith of what He tells me. Follow that path. Even if it means no one gets it. Even if some don't care. Even if some think it is stupid.
Noah built an ark. No one got it.
Do what He leads. Isn't that what is important. Obedience. Grow and grow in Christ. In His ways. What He wants. Jesus was not always popular.
Even now if you read the news, people don't care at all. Follow Christ when He gives what you want. Not following His ways.
People want to twist the word of God around themselves. Not always true.
Not letting others make you feel guilty to do something. It is about seeking God. Loving people.
I am going to continue to praise and thank God for providing all the money we need to pay our house off. To provide the money to buy our new house. To then show us who to give this house too. Then continue to pray God show us the neighborhood we are to move in. Pray for ministering to the misfits. Encourage others.
Then I am going to ask God to give me the encouragement I need each day. And ask God to comfort when hurting. To be what I need each day.
Others may not understand what God is leading us to do. Others didn't believe Jesus was the messiah. Job's friends blamed him. When God allowed it.
One step at a time. One day at time. If that means people don't care. If that means people forget, if that means no one prays, then so be it. Cause God is allowing it. So I will get angry, I will cry, I will feel have bad days. But God is always with me.
I thank God for leading us on the path to move. Not because I can see how or when. Not because others believe or understand. But because God said it. Not because we deserve it, but because this is God's plan.
God is God of the impossible. He restores what the Locust have eaten.
This year am praying for what to do for Seth to school. We have until Aug to figure it out. God is not early always on time. Will trust what He decides. He knows.